I saw the orthopedist yesterday to discuss my MRI arthrogram results and received the good/bad news I was expecting: multiple stress fractures of the pubic rami (pelvic bone).
Good news: No surgery needed. No permanent damage to soft tissue. Long-term recovery optimistic. Should be able to resume light running around September/October.
Bad news: Multiple stress fractures. No cross training. No cycling. No weight lifting. No yoga. No stretching.
More good news: I get to do aqua jogging. It is now summer. It is very hot. Ideal time for aqua jogging, not so much ideal time for running.
More bad news: It's going to be a long summer. At least I will have the Olympics to appease me.
(Shaking fists in the air): "But this was supposed to be the Summer of George!"
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Friday, June 22, 2012
What happens when you get an MRI Arthrogram
You show up at the facility. They ask you to fill out paperwork that requires 10-15 minutes of time, but then they wonder why you aren't finished after just 3 minutes. You hurriedly finish paperwork as they give you instructions for the day. They ask you to stand behind Oz's curtain to remove all of your clothes except your t-shirt and socks. They provide you with blue hospital gown shorts - how snazzy!. You then get to put all of your stuff into a locker like you are in high school. They then lead you into the room with the really big MRI machine.
First, you get an MRI without the dye contrast. They give you earplugs (never a good sign), have you lie down on a table that extends out of the machine, strap your feet together, and hand you an emergency squeeze button (also not a good sign). They say this will take about 10 minutes and you'll hear a series of loud beeps - just keep still. The table retracts into the machine and then the fun starts.
"Loud beeps" is not a very accurate representation of what happens. If you have seen Dumb and Dumber, recall the part where Lloyd says do you want to hear the most annoying sound in the world - hearing that over and over again for about 10 minutes is a more accurate representation of what happens. And in the background of that noise is a rhythmic shaking of maracas, or at least, that's what it sounds like. You would think that somebody has definitely pushed that emergency squeeze button before, but you refrain from doing so today. You just want the 10 minutes to be over and it finally is.
Then you get carted off to meet a doctor who will now inject you with the contrast dye. But before you meet the doctor, you meet the male nurse who gives the lowdown on the injection. First, the doctor will clean the skin outside your hip with gauze and a special red solution. Second, he will anesthetize the spot on your hip with a skin surface lidocaine. Third, he will inject dye into your leg. Some patients describe a brief numbing, or burning, or tingling (everybody reacts differently) - but don't worry, the dye will disperse into your system and you'll feel fine. You might be sore for the rest of the day, or you might not. Take some ibuprofen and apply ice if you have to. And if you experience swelling or redness or extreme pain, call us or your doctor or go the emergency room, because that's not good. But don't worry, that's never happened here. The male nurse then provides you with a long diaper-type fabric and a blue hospital gown that ties in the back. You will need to remove your shorts and use the fabric thing to cover yourself. He leaves to get the doctor. You try your best to cover yourself, but let's be honest, this is completely unnatural and uncomfortable. You think of the Jerry Seinfeld bit where he says doctors refuse to see you unless you are naked. You wait.
The doctor comes in, quickly repeats the spiel about the injection, and then lays you down on a table with a big portable x-ray unit overhead. He makes small talk about why are you here, runners should be more careful, 5 miles a day 4 days a week is plenty exercise, you are not a teenager anymore. Before you know it, he is ready for the lidocaine injection. Now the male nurse said the lidocaine is to numb the area prior to the dye injection. What he failed to tell you is that it REALLY hurts for about 5 seconds, which makes you wonder if that was just the numbing agent then what the hell is the dye injection going to feel like? After a moment, the doctor injects the dye, which feels like immense pressure in your hip joint for about 5 seconds - you momentarily lose voluntary control over your leg as it spasms, and then the dye disperses and all is normal again. You don't remember the male nurse telling you that either. While all of this is happening, the doctor is looking at a screen which shows via the overhead x-ray unit what is transpiring inside your hip. It is pretty cool to see the dye go in and disperse.
The doctor finally says he is finished. The doctor and the male nurse help you get your hospital shorts back on since your hip is numb - that's really awkward. The male nurse then carts you back into the MRI room, where you now get about 30 minutes worth of Lloyd Christmas screaming with background maracas. The time can't go any slower. You try to think of songs to sing to yourself in 5 minute increments, but the noise is too distracting. You become hypnotized by the maracas and the beeping. At long last it is over.
You get to return to your locker to retrieve your clothes. You stand behind Oz's curtain again to get dressed, knowing at any moment somebody is going to accidentally draw the curtain back, but they don't. The MRI technician provides you with a copy of the CD from today's visit. And after all that, you get to wait another week to get the results from an orthopedist. Oh joy.
First, you get an MRI without the dye contrast. They give you earplugs (never a good sign), have you lie down on a table that extends out of the machine, strap your feet together, and hand you an emergency squeeze button (also not a good sign). They say this will take about 10 minutes and you'll hear a series of loud beeps - just keep still. The table retracts into the machine and then the fun starts.
"Loud beeps" is not a very accurate representation of what happens. If you have seen Dumb and Dumber, recall the part where Lloyd says do you want to hear the most annoying sound in the world - hearing that over and over again for about 10 minutes is a more accurate representation of what happens. And in the background of that noise is a rhythmic shaking of maracas, or at least, that's what it sounds like. You would think that somebody has definitely pushed that emergency squeeze button before, but you refrain from doing so today. You just want the 10 minutes to be over and it finally is.
Then you get carted off to meet a doctor who will now inject you with the contrast dye. But before you meet the doctor, you meet the male nurse who gives the lowdown on the injection. First, the doctor will clean the skin outside your hip with gauze and a special red solution. Second, he will anesthetize the spot on your hip with a skin surface lidocaine. Third, he will inject dye into your leg. Some patients describe a brief numbing, or burning, or tingling (everybody reacts differently) - but don't worry, the dye will disperse into your system and you'll feel fine. You might be sore for the rest of the day, or you might not. Take some ibuprofen and apply ice if you have to. And if you experience swelling or redness or extreme pain, call us or your doctor or go the emergency room, because that's not good. But don't worry, that's never happened here. The male nurse then provides you with a long diaper-type fabric and a blue hospital gown that ties in the back. You will need to remove your shorts and use the fabric thing to cover yourself. He leaves to get the doctor. You try your best to cover yourself, but let's be honest, this is completely unnatural and uncomfortable. You think of the Jerry Seinfeld bit where he says doctors refuse to see you unless you are naked. You wait.
The doctor comes in, quickly repeats the spiel about the injection, and then lays you down on a table with a big portable x-ray unit overhead. He makes small talk about why are you here, runners should be more careful, 5 miles a day 4 days a week is plenty exercise, you are not a teenager anymore. Before you know it, he is ready for the lidocaine injection. Now the male nurse said the lidocaine is to numb the area prior to the dye injection. What he failed to tell you is that it REALLY hurts for about 5 seconds, which makes you wonder if that was just the numbing agent then what the hell is the dye injection going to feel like? After a moment, the doctor injects the dye, which feels like immense pressure in your hip joint for about 5 seconds - you momentarily lose voluntary control over your leg as it spasms, and then the dye disperses and all is normal again. You don't remember the male nurse telling you that either. While all of this is happening, the doctor is looking at a screen which shows via the overhead x-ray unit what is transpiring inside your hip. It is pretty cool to see the dye go in and disperse.
The doctor finally says he is finished. The doctor and the male nurse help you get your hospital shorts back on since your hip is numb - that's really awkward. The male nurse then carts you back into the MRI room, where you now get about 30 minutes worth of Lloyd Christmas screaming with background maracas. The time can't go any slower. You try to think of songs to sing to yourself in 5 minute increments, but the noise is too distracting. You become hypnotized by the maracas and the beeping. At long last it is over.
You get to return to your locker to retrieve your clothes. You stand behind Oz's curtain again to get dressed, knowing at any moment somebody is going to accidentally draw the curtain back, but they don't. The MRI technician provides you with a copy of the CD from today's visit. And after all that, you get to wait another week to get the results from an orthopedist. Oh joy.
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